Well, This Is Misfortunate
by Konstantinsen
Summary: Fairy Tail is treated with a client. Or a guest. Or some guy who wandered into the guild hall unsupervised. Master Makarov is wary, First Master Mavis is intrigued, Gildarts is amused, everyone else is unlucky.
1. Chapter 1

**NOTE: This has been on the back-burner for awhile. Thought I'd polish this up and post it before my hard drive would burn up.**

* * *

It was another day at Fairy Tail.

Natsu and Grey started off the morning with a brawl that quickly escalated into a multi-sided free-for-all. Lucy and Levy kept to themselves with their milkshakes, books, and news ( _gossip_ ) of the day. Juvia, as always, fawned over the unchanging object of her eternal affection as Erza stepped in to restore order. At the bar, Mirajane catered to the ever stoic Laxus, his ever loyal Thunder Legion, and the ever alcoholic Cana. All the while, Master Makarov remained atop the bannister overseeing the whole hall with the same lackadaisical response (or lack thereof) to the day's shenanigans as the benevolent First Master Mavis drifted by his side.

Yes, it was indeed another normal day at the Fairy Tail.

That was until the doors creaked open and a guest staggered in. He remained unnoticed save for both guild masters who remained deceptively impassive. The man's gait showed how much he had been drinking though the boxy device cleverly concealed behind his crimson cloak was enough of a warning for them.

"Whoa! Hey, buddy," Macao called out after he nearly bumped into him. "Easy there."

"Haven't seen you around these parts," remarked Wakaba. "Welcome to Fairy Tail. Anything you need help with?"

"Wha...?" the man slurred as he wobbled backwards to support himself on an overturned table.

"Seems like you've been hitting the bottle too hard," Macao said, gesturing to help their visitor right himself. "Sit down, man. You're gonna trip."

Unsurprisingly, the unconscious body of Elfman flew right into Mister Conbolt who had bent down to pull up an overturned chair. Oddly, the visitor had slumped back to avoid being collateral with Wakaba taking his unfortunate place.

Makarov noted that stroke of luck from his perch while Mavis remained nonchalantly jubilant.

The guest had sighted the bar and was now determined to cross the guild to get there. That meant having to go directly through the dozen-man free-for-all raging in the center of the hall. By this point, his movement had caught the attention of those unaffected by the sidelines: Lucy, Levy, Wendy, Carla, and Romeo. The small group had silenced their chatter and were actively observing him as he unassumingly crossed the threshold of safety.

"Excuse me, sir! Wait! You're going to get—"

The man did not hear Laki calling out to him. He entered the dust cloud and everyone else thought he wouldn't make it. That was until the brawl took on an unusual turn.

Natsu slipped on spilled liquor, missed Grey with his flaming fist, and ended up hitting his head on the table knocking him out cold. Grey, for his part cackled before the chair he was standing on broke. He tried to compensate his fall by leaning forward except that meant his chin connected with Erza's armored back, knocking the redhead off-balance before she could rip Vijeeter a new one, and sending her crashing into another person, ending her and three other people's involvement in the fight.

This continued in rapid succession, happening all around the cloaked individual who, despite his clear inebriety, meandered through unbelievably unscathed.

* * *

"Hello and welcome to Fairy Tail!" Mirajane greeted.

"Fairy Tail, huh," the stranger wheezed and his scented breath was enough to snatch the attention of the six other people sharing the bar. "Thought fairies didn't have tails..."

"That's the conundrum now, isn't it," the white-haired demon of a bartender answered cheerily.

A burp. "Whiskey?"

"Coming right up."

The man slumped slightly in his seat as every pairs of conscious eyes centered on him. His black messy hair, his shaggy white coat, the strange object hidden under his mantle...

Not to mention the dozen or so unconscious human bodies piled up behind him—Erza included!—that had been the unfortunate result of a today's melee. A brawl that he inattentively breezed through, too drunk to care. Strangely enough, it dawned on them a moment later that there was no clear victor (which was uncommon) with Erza out cold (a rarity). All through a chain of coincidences that would have anyone screaming foul.

* * *

From above, Makarov silently studied the man. Mavis's giggling broke him out of his train of thought.

"He never changes."

"You know him?" the old man asked the spirit.

"Not personally. But Gildarts does."

And the mage himself appeared in the doorway after another long mission. After an enthusiastic welcoming from those who were still conscious, he strode to the bar and—to the surprise of many—clapped the guest on his shoulder and said, "Guess I didn't have to hold your hand this time, Qrow."

"I'm not that drunk...yet," Qrow retorted as Mirajane laid out a glass and a bottle of Whiskey.

"You know him?" Laxus asked with a raised brow.

"Met him recently," Gildarts admitted with a laugh. "Nimble bastard."

"Likewise, ass wipe," Qrow jabbed, downing a shot. "This place kinda reminds me of...home...in a way."

"Well, you're welcome to stay," the one-armed mage declared. Much to the astonishment of everyone else on the ground floor.

Makarov dropped from his perch and presented himself to the two grizzled men. "This is Fairy Tail, young man. I am sure you've received enough of a welcome. I am the current guild master, Makarov Dreyar."

Qrow swiveled on his stool and swirled his second shot before emptying it. "Old man...you run a full house."

"Not the first time I've received that compliment."

"So what brings you here, Mister Crow?" Mirajane asked, her warm smile remaining firmly etched onto her cheeks.

"Weird to be named after a bird if you ask me," mumbled Cana.

"Y'know. Just looking for a place to kick back and knock down a few. Been on the road for too long."

"You need help with anything?" Bickslow interjected, his 'babies' echoing his query.

"We may have a bar," Freed added, "and we are generous with our provisions however we—"

Qrow waved him off. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Gildarts told me to drop by here in case things go south. Not like I'll be lodging in with anyone."

"Destination in mind?" Evergreen inquired.

The man winked at her then laughed when she scowled back. "I can't tell you, doll. It's between me and my boss."

"We offer a variety of services," Mirajane injected, her disarming charm working its full effect. "We have a board over there where you can pin up any requests."

Qrow smiled at her then set down his glass. "Services, eh? Say you and me try that out."

Gildarts chuckled while Makarov raised his brow when the remaining half of the guild was about ready to converge on the drunk for his comment. Laxus channelled enough lightning to sizzle a live bird while Mirajane revealed that wicked glint in her eye that cowed whole troupes of grizzled fighters.

"You might want to rephrase that, Mister Bird," the lightning dragon slayer seethed.

Qrow only laughed, unfazed by the blades that were most definitely inches from shaving a few centimeters off his stubble. "You said 'services.' What was I supposed to think?"

"We're not Blue Pegasus, pal," growled Bickslow.

"Really? Well, I thought most guilds worked that way." Hiccup. "Well..."

* * *

"You may want to stand back, old man. This'll be good," Gildarts advised. Makarov narrowed his gaze as he shuffled a few steps behind.

"You better not have brought me a madman," he warned.

"He's not mad. He's just drunk."

* * *

True to form, Qrow drunkenly wove out of the Thunder Legion's stranglehold and was already standing behind them, his hand behind his back.

Laxus caught the movement and, though reserved, decided to meet the challenge. He turned quick and was met with a massive blade that soon after extended into a mechanical scythe. Some jaws dropped, others curved in response to a challenge.

It was an interesting exchange of magic, skill, and steel. Qrow was impressively agile, his inebriety either evaporated or synchronizing with his movements, and he danced around the swipes, grapples, and lightning strikes of his foes. It had been a while since the Thunder Legion was this hard pressed to so much as land a hit but it was also very eye-catching that Laxus and company were constantly handicapped by conveniently scattered debris, slippery floors, and complete misses.

* * *

"Talk about unlucky," Gildarts mused from afar as the fight raged and receded into a frustrating chase for the mages of Fairy Tail.

"I seriously doubt any luck's involved," Makarov countered. "There's something about him that I still can't put my finger on." Even Natsu, if he was awake, could see that something was amiss what with how four skilled and powerful mages, one of whom was S-class, was so mindbogglingly misfortunate in this fight.

"Entertaining to watch," Mavis remarked.

The old man had to admit that this was at least something different for today. Qrow had absorbed some hits, shrugged them off, and kept up the charade. Interesting how his clothes were as resilient as his skin—the few cuts that Bickslow and Freed managed to score on him failed to draw blood, let alone leave any mark.

Their drunken guest was masterful in his display. Until he leapt behind the curtains of the stage. Evergreen tore them off only for a black corvid to whip past her cheek, flutter up the rafters, and land on one of the beams overhead.

* * *

"Where is he!?"

"He cannot possibly have just simply vanished!"

"Sneaky bastard."

"Ugh, repulsive! I was slapped by a bird!"

The avian cawed in mocking reply then flew over to the bar, landing on Cana's hand, and dipping its beak into her tankard.

"Hey! Get your own beer!" she barked as she tried to wave it away.

The bird squawked at her before hopping across the bar top towards Mirajane who had held a vested interest in it since it appeared. She beamed at it, cooing, "Aren't you a naughty stray."

Before it could move its beak, she slammed large bird cage over it. It was a rattling surprise for the animal. And to everyone else for the bird was swallowed in a thick puff of smoke. Then the frames bent to accommodate the full-grown human male known as Qrow Branwen.

"Good one, doll," he smirked from inside his cramped cage.

* * *

"So he can transform," Makarov muttered, not once moving from his perch.

"Not in the way transformation magic works, old man," Gildarts replied.

"There better be a good reason why you invited him to the guild hall if he's going to be this of a nuisance without joining."

The larger man shrugged. "Eh, I needed someone who could keep up with me."

"Besides," Mavis added optimistically. "I wouldn't mind having him around."

* * *

 **ORIGINALLY DRAFTED: September 20, 2018**

 **LAST EDITED: December 4, 2018**

 **INITIALLY UPLOADED: December 4, 2018**


	2. Chapter 2

Makarov was not all that surprised when Qrow Branwen became a constant pestering presence in the guild.

While refusing offers to become a member, his frequent visits enabled him to be entrenched in their community of mages. Though, for some strange reason, every brawl that came his way either ended in a spectacular series of mishaps or he had beaten everyone. Pretty weird. And suspicious.

Natsu, unsurprisingly, kept pushing for a fight and ended up the same way when he tried to challenge Gildarts. Grey, unfortunately, had a more difficult time recovering his shed clothing even without Juvia even attempting to hide them.

Erza and Laxus regarded him with some contemptuous respect at least and Makarov could detect their subtle attempts at scrutiny for whatever the man was hiding. The rest were a mixed bag. Macao and Wakaba found themselves an admirable drinking buddy in Qrow...when he wasn't busy trying to flirt with the girls or trying to outdrink Cana.

Interestingly enough, Wendy had a certain touch to him. Her youth and timidity somehow cracked through his shell to bring to the fore a personality that was akin to a father helping a child ride her bike. It was cute, homely, and adorable.

Finally, though he would not admit it outright, Makarov himself found good company in the bird-shifting man. There seemed to be a lot of things they actually had in common: alcohol, women, and taking care of unruly brats.

"You have kids, Qrow?" the aged guild master asked during an empty day.

"Nah. I have two nieces though."

"How old are they?"

"One's sixteen and the other's eighteen. Wonderful kids." Qrow downed his tenth shot of the day. "Even if they both still play heroics in a world that's too real for their fantasies."

"Mages?"

"Heh, I wish."

So far, Qrow had been an amicable companion. Drinking with them, partying with them, and on occasion traded blows with them without himself being inducted into their ranks. All while being dodgy about whatever _he_ was. Shapeshifter? Bird-man? Mage? Nobody knew.

Though Gildarts gave a hint. Or something close that.

"Hang up a rabbit's foot somewhere," was all he said.

No one took him seriously.

* * *

Makarov raised his brow after First Master Mavis disclosed a minute observation she had made. The old man flashed a glare when Gildarts discreetly admitted the same thing. Though cryptically. Even Laxus, Freed, and the ever astute Levy began to cast wary glances.

The guild was slinking down in the dumps. Again.

Jobs would flounder more often than not. While it was common for the younger riffraff like Natsu and Grey to absolutely screw up a job—yes, including the simplest ones with Lucy and Juvia chaperoning them—it came as quite the surprise when Erza and Laxus returned downtrodden, their tasks clearly gone sideways and more.

Fairy Tail was losing money, clients, and soon enough their reputation was taking a serious hit. Again. It seemed as though a curse had befallen them, akin to a bad luck charm unfortunately strung up their walls.

Through it all, Gildarts remained oddly nonchalant. Makarov suspected the grizzled veteran was hiding something. And damn it, if it was detrimental to Fairy Tail, he would have his head. And Qrow's if it came to that. For now, he'd wait. After all, he needed the full picture before he could act.

* * *

It had been another day of lackluster effort for the guild. Everyone knew it by now. Their fortunes had made a complete reversal. Things were, simply put, shitty. All the while, Qrow drank in blissful ignorance of the doldrums. Though he did make for some fine conversation to lighten the mood. It was mostly small talk, dirty jokes, and occasional ribbing.

Makarov listened in, of course, along with Mavis. The more Mister Branwen drank, the more they learned about him.

Other than the fact that he came to Magnolia searching for his twin sister Raven—who, everyone in Fairy Tail guessed correctly, could turn into a raven.

"Any leads?" Mirajane inquired.

Qrow shook his head. "Nothing. She's always like that. If she doesn't want to be seen, she'll disappear for however long she wants."

"She's the mother to your nieces, right?" chimed Cana.

"One of them. Heh. Real mom-of-the-year. Come to think of it...I may have forgotten to tell the kids where I've been for the past couple weeks. Whoops."

Makarov both frowned then sighed. He nudged a thumb at the storage room behind the bar. "You can use the lachryma in the back."

"Eh, no need." Qrow eased off the bar top as the half the guild turned their heads to the door where a girl in long, wild blonde hair stood. More notable, however, were the yellow gauntlets she had on her wrists, lined with the bright red casings of...buckshot?

"Uh, hi?" she greeted.

For some reason, Makarov could sense a headache coming.

* * *

From her perch atop the bar, Mavis curiously yet gleefully followed the exchange.

Many of the men in attendance enthusiastically welcomed her...and her chest. The ladies smacked them on the heads and apologetically ushered her through the door.

"Fairy Tail, huh?" the blonde girl remarked, eyeing up the hall and everyone else in it. Seeing how she still had their attention, she barked, "Yo! I'm looking for my uncle. His name's Qrow Branwen. I heard he comes here often!"

And then the hall fell quiet. So quiet, one could hear a fly fart. Then heads turned to the bar as said uncle thudded his boots on the floor.

"Over here, firecracker!" he called back.

"Oh my gosh, Uncle Qrow!" she squealed excitedly, rushing over to him. "I've been looking all over for you! Ruby and I have been worried sick!"

He waved her off. "Yeah, yeah. Just like Tai. Wouldn't stop worrying."

The girl frowned. "We really need you to stop drinking so much."

"Speak for yourself, kiddo."

"At least I know my limit."

"Yeah. One. For a lightweight."

Miss Firecracker stomped her boot on the floor. "I am _not_ a lightweight!"

Her uncle smirked. "Yes, you are."

"Ugh, come on!" She grabbed his arm and proceeded to tug him out the door. "We have to go. Ruby's across town. She hasn't eaten her cookies because she kept thinking the worst happened to you."

Qrow pulled out his flask and scowled. He yanked his arm, pulling his niece back and proceeded to return to the bar. "Hold on. I need a refill."

"Uncle Qrow!"

"Be with you in a minute, Yang."

* * *

Gildarts was enjoying the awkward show being played out down below. He would never outright admit to Qrow though that he was blessed with fine kin. Much like his Cana except younger and wilder. He took a sip from his tankard as the rest of the guild fell into muted whispers and hushed conversation to which the Qrow's 'firecracker' picked up on. And the poor girl couldn't help but be a little embarrassed by the attention.

For about three seconds.

Then she struck a confident pose. "Like what you see, boys?"

Gildarts had to stifle a laugh. Firecracker, indeed. Some of the girls reacted accordingly to that. Thinly veiled envy, perhaps? He was sure some of them borrowed a page from Juvia's book of obsession-driven insanity with how this Yang kid was laughing at the stares and glares she was getting. And technically, she was legal. But he was too old for that. Hell, his own daughter was older than that.

"So I heard some of you guys are really good with fire," Yang started. "Which one of you can show me the ropes?"

"That'd be Salamander," barked Gajeel who threw a disinterested thumb at Natsu who looked up from his plate of food with a muffled 'what?'

"Awesome. I've always wanted to try my hand at a fire wizard."

Now Gildarts chuckled. The look of excitement on Natsu's face was complimented by the sudden abject abhorrence Lucy sported. Of course, Natsu was oblivious to all that, responding with, "You want to go? You sure about that?"

Yang pumped her gauntleted fists. "While I'm still in town, maybe we could meet somewhere open where we could, you know, spar."

It was at that moment that Qrow finally stepped in—or swayed in, to be more precise—to block Natsu from even closing the gap. "Hold it right there, kid! I ain't lettin' you touch my kid, kid."

"Come on, Qrow!" the Fire Dragon Slayer protested. "I can touch her wherever I want!"

And Gildarts was laughing. Oh, Natsu's complete ineptitude with words never failed to amuse. That and Levy was trying to talk down a not-so-strangely catatonic Lucy. He leaned over the bannister and caught the mischievous glint in Yang's eye as she smirked.

"Yeah, Uncle Qrow! He's old enough to make his own decisions. He can touch me anywhere he wants!"

To the surprise of many, even Gildarts himself, Qrow swirled on his feet with an expression of pure horror. He raised his finger at his niece and slurred, "Now, you listen here, young lady! I'm your uncle and I'm telling you that you can't"—hiccup—"go screwin' around with some flame-brain who can't even melt that popsicle over there!"

Natsu jumped. "Hey! What do you mean I can't melt that ice princess!?"

"Who're you calling an ice princess, spark plug!?" Grey hollered.

"You wanna go!?"

"I'm ready to go!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Yang recoiled as fire and ice collided into a one-on-one. She held onto her uncle who waved it off and started walking towards the exit, taking her with him. Poor girl's confidence splintered the moment the brawl happened in front of her face. "Does...does this happen a lot?"

"Eh, it's not a normal day without those two idiots beating each other senseless," Qrow replied.

Yang nervously chortled as she helped to carry her intoxicated uncle, her free hand waving at the rest of Fairy Tail who weren't involved in the dust cloud rampaging in the middle of the hall. "Uh, thanks for taking care of him! He can get really, uh, rowdy sometimes."

"You're welcome!"

"Don't mention it!"

"He's a cool dude!"

Gildarts downed his tankard and headed down to the bar where he heard Makarov grunt, "Well, can't say I'm going to miss him much."

"He won't be gone forever," the grizzled S-Class mage said.

Mavis, Makarov, and even Mirajane, Cana, Laxus, and the Thunder Legion craned their heads towards him.

"Yeah. He'll be back before I'm off on my next job. Trust me on that."

At that moment, the glass Mira was polishing slipped from her grasp and shattered into pieces on the floor. They all stared at it.

Gildarts shrugged. "You may want to hang up a rabbit's foot somewhere, though."

Makarov groaned. Mavis grinned. Everyone else sighed as they saw Qrow and Yang out the door.

* * *

The next day, Natsu scored a big pay-out on a relatively simple job. The reward had been a rare gemstone that was believed to fetch a moderate price but a closer appraisal yielded three times the amount. Enough to feed the Fire Dragon Slayer, cover damages incurred by said Dragon Slayer, and still have enough left to cover Lucy's rent for the next couple months.

"Man, what a stroke of luck!" Natsu declared to his dumbfounded guild mates.

In the back, Makarov let out a strangled noise while scowling deeply at the freshly-severed rabbit's foot that he forced Laxus to nail into one of the support beams that morning.

* * *

 **ORIGINALLY DRAFTED: September 20, 2018**

 **LAST EDITED: December 9, 2018**

 **INITIALLY UPLOADED: December 9, 2018**


End file.
